Hi Ruth,
Every year I set a Christmas budget for the kids, and every year I go over it. I’ll have their presents sorted, then worry there isn’t enough under the tree and buy a few more things. We didn’t have much money when I was growing up, and I’ve always wanted Christmas to feel different for them. But I don’t like starting January regretting what I’ve spent. How do I stick to a limit without feeling guilty about it?
I think this question is about more than prepping a Christmas budget. You remember growing up without much money, and you’re determined to make Christmas feel different for your children. That comes from a loving place. But I wonder whether, once you’ve bought the presents they actually want, those last-minute extras are less about your children and more about reassuring the child you once were.
Thinking back to my childhood Christmases, I remember a kitten, a tape deck (showing my age here), a fishing net (just, why?) and an orange tucked into the bottom of every single Christmas stocking (actually one of Dad’s socks!). I remember a handmade soft toy too, but mostly because my sister and I turned the house upside down searching for hidden presents and got into such trouble with Mum. Funny what sticks in our memories because it’s rarely a complete inventory of what was under the tree.
It’s worth asking what ‘enough under the tree’ means. Is it a certain number of wrapped gifts? A pile that looks impressive on Christmas morning? Or a promise that your kids won’t feel disappointed in the way you once did? Your children are growing up in another generation, in a different family, with their own experiences. I think it’s worth understanding that the Christmas kids remember will be their own, not a replay of your childhood, regardless of how many presents you buy.
When I was young, I’d ask my parents what they wanted for Christmas, and they’d say, “Don’t waste your hard-earned money on us. Make us something instead.” I thought buying a Christmas gift proved how much I loved them, and a homemade one was lame! Now I catch myself saying exactly the same thing to my daughter. I’d rather have a thoughtful gesture, or a huge hug, than have her buy something just because she feels she should. The amount spent has never been a reliable measure of love.
Ask your children what they’d really love for Christmas, and explain that a wish list isn’t a shopping order, and that they might receive one or two things from it, not everything. Talk about the value and feasibility of the items on their list and set some expectations early. Throughout the year, I jot down things my daughter mentions, check prices, and shop from that list. I learned the hard way that buying what I know she likes and buying what I ‘think’ she likes are two different things, leading to wasted money. Also, a little money in their Christmas stocking for them to choose something themselves can be a nice addition, if it suits their age and your budget.
Set a realistic overall Christmas budget, not simply a number you think you should spend. After all, Christmas on a budget only works if you account for the whole celebration, including presents, food, travel and festive extras. In PocketSmith, I have a Gifts category, plus, given we often host Christmas, one for ‘everything else’, and I use labels to track what we’ve spent. Watching that spending creep up prompted our wider family to agree on gift limits. It removed the pressure to reciprocate dollar for dollar when someone spent generously on our child and allowed us to base Christmas spending on our budget, not theirs. Putting a little aside each month in a Christmas sinking fund also means you’re not finding the whole amount in December. PocketSmith’s guides on sinking funds and envelope budgeting may be useful if you’d like a system to help.
Make one rule before the shopping starts, and it’s one of the best Christmas shopping tips I can offer: when the list is finished, Christmas shopping is finished. Buy early, look for sales, and keep a record of what you’ve bought for each child. If you’re tempted by another ‘just in case’ present, leave it for 48 hours, stop browsing retail emails, and return to the plan you made before the Christmas advertising took hold. Save that extra idea for a birthday instead. Your job isn’t to eliminate the urge to buy more; it’s to learn you don’t have to act on it. If you have a partner, you might have to remind each other of that too!
Don’t forget that unwrapping presents is only one part of Christmas Day. The favourite breakfast, silly traditions, seeing family, eating far too much, going for a walk or playing a game together: these make a day feel full without making the tree look fuller. You can explain to children in an age-appropriate way that your family makes choices about spending, without burdening them with financial worries.
Parenting is hard enough, so don’t turn the Christmas budget into another reason to beat yourself up. And if you do go over budget, don’t just shrug your shoulders and promise yourself you’ll do better next year. Have a good look at where you went wrong. Was it a last-minute trip to the shops, a tempting sale, or that nagging worry that your children wouldn’t have enough? Once you understand what triggers that extra spending, you’ve got something you can work on. And if you stick to your budget but still feel a bit guilty, remind yourself why you set that limit in the first place. You’ve made a sensible decision for your family, and there’s no need to undo it just because you’re having second thoughts.
Christmas morning is over in a flash (even if it’s a pre-dawn start sometimes). The wrapping paper is cleared away, the kids disappear to play with their new things and their friends, and before you know it, January has arrived.
I suspect your children won’t give nearly as much thought to the number of presents under the tree as you do. They just want a lovely Christmas, and so do you. So give them the gifts you’ve carefully chosen, enjoy all the other things that make Christmas special in your family, and don’t spend more than you can comfortably afford. Because the last thing you want is to spend the first few weeks of January regretting what you did in December. That’s no fun for anyone.
Happy Christmas!
Got a burning money question for Ruth? Send them through to [email protected]!
Ruth blogs at thehappysaver.com all about how she and her family handle money. What’s the secret? Spend less than you earn, invest the difference, avoid debt and budget each dollar that flows through your hands. She firmly believes that if you can just get the basics right, life becomes easier from there on in.
