Hi Ruth,
Lately, I’ve found myself constantly comparing my financial situation to others — friends buying homes, colleagues jetting off on overseas holidays, and an endless stream of social media posts that make it look like everyone else is thriving. Meanwhile, I’m quietly paying managing rent and trying to put something aside each month. I know comparison is a losing game, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve somehow fallen behind. How do I stop this from affecting how I feel about my own progress?
We have a big, old, deaf dog living out his twilight years with us, a foster dog called Max. At least once a week, we lose him while on a walk. He’s not running away; he just gets a little misplaced.
It dawned on me recently that it’s not his fault he goes left and we go right; it’s ours. Generally, I’m walking with a podcast playing, absorbed in someone else’s life. I’m so focused on their story, I forget to turn around and make sure Max knows where I’ve gone.
A finance podcast I was listening to recently explained how the guests were thriving. And, I concluded that, perhaps, they were doing far better than I was. How could I ever have what they have? In that instance, despite the beauty of my surroundings, I felt financial anxiety and dissatisfaction with my life. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
But then I stopped and I looked around. I had Max, stunning scenery, and time. My life, in that moment, was actually idyllic.
If the people on that podcast saw me right then, might they envy me? Have you considered that parts of your life, your job perhaps, or your core values, might be someone else’s goal? With half an hour still to walk, I concluded that I am not behind; I am on my own path. And that’s what we need to focus on.
Set a ten-minute timer and scroll social media. When the timer goes off, stop and reflect. If you don’t feel good, then delete the app. Reassess in a month. It’s that easy.
With friends and colleagues, dig a little deeper, especially around money. When I see someone doing something I admire, I ask where, why, what and how questions. Then I compare their responses with my situation. I take what might be helpful and let the rest go.
Engage with real people and content, such as PocketSmith’s Money Methodologies hub, which offers a range of articles that share helpful resources from truly successful people.
A while back, on Instagram, I saw a finfluencer luxuriating in an infinity pool at a luxury hotel in a country I long to visit, and I must admit, I was envious. Months later, they mentioned a budget tip — buying a two-hour pass to a luxury hotel. That “glamorous” life was for show. Fake rich, real poor. I unfollowed them.
The converse of this is the woman I met in real life who, because I asked from a position of genuine curiosity, explained how she paid cash for her brand-new car. I learned a lot of helpful information that I can apply to my life. Real people enjoy sharing how they have succeeded because they want you to win, too.
Take stock of what is going well. For you, it’s:
You clearly have a plan. You’re building something solid. Go you! Compare where you are now to two years ago. Has your debt dropped? Have you ever been late on rent? How much have you saved? Recognising your progress can completely shift your mindset. Be kinder to yourself.
At The Happy Saver, readers tell me they’ve paid off loans, saved for holidays, or made their first investment. I’m always cheering them on, so I encourage you to find someone who’ll cheer you on, too.
When the boring parts of financial life wear you down (and they do for all of us), look back. You’ve been on holiday before, so print out the photo that best encapsulates that memory, and pin it up. Remember the moment and be grateful for the experience. Then start planning the next one, creating a wishlist with maps and images of a holiday you have yet to take. Looking at a memory and preparing to create new ones will help put your progress into context and help you stay inspired.
I’ve seen the inner workings of thousands of people’s finances. One truth stands out: Everyone’s doing the best they can. Progress is messy. FOMO ended for me when I accepted that no one has a perfect life and that social comparison is fraught. The more you understand others’ struggles, the more content you’ll feel with your path — and the more you will celebrate and learn from others’ wins too.
So, how do you stop constantly comparing your financial life? Quite honestly, I think it’s by talking to real people. Instead of observing from the sidelines and drawing conclusions, get involved, be curious and be open-minded. Connection is the antidote to comparison.
As I wandered on home with Max, listening to the birds instead of a podcast, living in my moment, I challenged myself to find two things I was doing well:
If you’re stuck for small talk, ask someone about themselves. They’ll give you highlights that are curated for impact. A brief chat, or a social media reel, barely breaks the surface of the underlying complexities of a person’s life, or finances, and what you don’t see are the bits that cause them to feel that they are falling behind. Comparing your entire financial situation to someone else’s heavily edited highlights is unhelpful.
Instead, surround yourself with real people who inspire you. Be curious. Ask questions. You’ll gain a fuller picture of how they got where they are, and you will come away with a much more rounded view of their reality.
Got a burning money question for Ruth? Send them through to [email protected]!
Ruth blogs at thehappysaver.com all about how she and her family handle money. What’s the secret? Spend less than you earn, invest the difference, avoid debt and budget each dollar that flows through your hands. She firmly believes that if you can just get the basics right, life becomes easier from there on in.
