Hi Ruth,
My son is in Year 13 and planning to go to university next year. We’d been assuming Fees Free would help, but now that it’s being scrapped, I feel like we’ve misjudged the real cost. I’m worried about tuition, rent, food, transport, and how much debt he’ll take on. I want to be honest with him without making him feel like a burden or making university feel impossible. How do we start that conversation?
I understand the shock of the announcement as well. My daughter is currently in her first year of university and had budgeted for her third year to be fee-free. Overnight, the final year fees-free policy was unceremoniously scrapped by the government, effective immediately, adding around $10,000 to the cost of her degree.
The first thing I would say is, take a step back and look at the actual issue here. We now know that in three years, in their third year of study, your son will have to come up with an additional lump sum to pay their fees. Currently, all other costs stay roughly the same. Meaning, you both have time to discuss and plan.
There is no beginning or end to helping your son navigate university and all that comes with it, so just start a conversation where you are. You are currently reeling from this extra cost. Start there.
Then begin to dig into what university is actually likely to cost. I wrote How Our Daughter Will Pay Cash For University because I wanted to know, before she started, roughly ‘how much’. This way, I had some information to initiate a conversation. Look at the current tuition fees for the full course your son wants to study. Then look at current accommodation, food, transport, course materials, technology and spending money. Your figures won’t be perfect, but they will be a great start, based on today’s prices.
Many families are surprised to discover that tuition fees are actually the smaller expense. A student living away from home will quickly find that accommodation is the highest cost. I sent my daughter off to work out all the costs of living in a hall of residence vs. flatting, and then we discussed what she found.
When you have real numbers in front of you, the guesswork and worry of the unknown go away. It’s okay to admit you don’t know, and that you would like to work it out together. These are the conversations I encourage you to have with your son. No decisions have been reached yet; just gathering data and information to discuss calmly.
He’ll feel part of the conversation, and that makes planning for his tertiary study something he anticipates with optimism rather than as an impossible dream.
If your teen is like my teen, talking ‘at’ them doesn’t work. Discussion over time does. I don’t think I ever sat my daughter down for a single ‘university talk’. Instead, we had dozens of small conversations over many months. As she got more interested and involved, I asked for her input rather than telling her what would happen. We looked at course fees, accommodation costs, and different study options together, and talked about how our family might contribute and what role she could play through savings, work, and scholarships.
By involving her in the planning process, she became a participant rather than a passenger. The conversation wasn’t, “Here’s what university will cost you.” It was, “Let’s work out together how we can make your goals affordable.” That approach helped her understand the realities of what she was committing to.
Perhaps you can contribute something financially. Perhaps your son can work part-time. Perhaps there are scholarships available. I strongly believe that no young person should feel like a financial burden because they want an education. Still, I do know that they benefit from understanding that university is a significant financial investment and that every dollar spent has to come from somewhere.
The next stage in the conversation should be about debt. And how to avoid it. For decades, we’ve become accustomed to thinking of student debt as a normal part of higher education, and I’ve always refuted that. Many students simply assume they will borrow money and deal with it later. Somehow. And in my experience, most regret their relaxed attitude and lack of understanding of what they were getting themselves into. Many ask, “Why didn’t someone warn me about the implications of student debt?”
Student loans absolutely have their place and should be used to fill the gaps left after saving, working, and earning scholarships, not before. Every dollar earned, saved, or gifted is a dollar that doesn’t need to be borrowed and paid back.
Teach him to budget before he leaves home. I signed our daughter up to PocketSmith while she was still at school. I taught her to budget her income and cover her expenses, small though they both were. She left home with a bank account structure and the budgeting skills required to manage all the new expenses that came with university. Doing this gave her a great sense of control and a financial plan for the year ahead. These days, we have check-ins to see how she is managing her money. Which, pleasingly, is very well.
I’ve given my daughter the key skills needed to help her adapt to life at university. Many parents feel pressure to provide a complete solution. They want to know exactly how the next three or four years will unfold — but you’ve just had a crash course in seeing how plans have to change.
A student may change degrees. They may transfer universities. They may decide university isn’t the right path after all. They may discover opportunities that nobody anticipated. They may well stay longer for post-graduate studies.
Good financial planning is about learning the skills to manage money, creating options and doing what you are already gearing up to do: being ready and willing to discuss all angles of a situation. These are all skills they will then take into their careers as well.
Personally, my goal is for my daughter to have the financial skills to navigate life. We have financially planned for a three-year degree, and if things change, as they already have, we have helped her adapt.
The best thing you can give your son right now is an honest conversation, a realistic plan, budgeting skills, and the reassurance that you will work through the challenge together. When families talk openly about money, university becomes less frightening. Not because the costs disappear, but because everyone understands what they’re facing and can begin making decisions with confidence.
Got a burning money question for Ruth? Send them through to [email protected]!
Ruth blogs at thehappysaver.com all about how she and her family handle money. What’s the secret? Spend less than you earn, invest the difference, avoid debt and budget each dollar that flows through your hands. She firmly believes that if you can just get the basics right, life becomes easier from there on in.
